idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
