I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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