On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
