It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
