so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Will exercising make me less horny?
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