wanna go halves on a baby?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
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The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
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i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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