your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
