Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
