with your own penis?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
