I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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