dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize