My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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