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How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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