She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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