Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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