i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my shit smells like andre
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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