i need an iv and a liver transplant
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize