we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
