Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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