I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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