Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
