too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
