you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
