'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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