Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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