Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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