Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
