I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
