Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
