what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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