I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize