im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
