Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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