just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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