I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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