hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
