he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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