ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
