I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Four minutes until I can fart!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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