Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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