I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
