I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize