i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
