Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
