I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
