I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
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You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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