I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
sex in a hospital.. check
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize