dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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