How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
