Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have fence marks all over my body
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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