somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
