Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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