Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
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Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
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All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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