is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
