1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
