so that wasnt chicken after all
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
