i permit you to call me
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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