Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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