Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
