How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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