I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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