Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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