i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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