Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
