Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
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